Suicidal Thoughts
Several months into the start of my career in forensic death investigation, an acquaintance of mine asked what I had found to be the most surprising aspect so far. I’d been waiting for a decent question to come along among the recurring ones I usually fielded. Questions like, “What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever seen?” and “Have you ever seen a body move?” I suppose at that point any introspective question would’ve been welcome–as this one surely was.
In hindsight, it may not have been a very introspective question after all because I almost immediately had an answer. I was–and often still am–most surprised at the number of suicide cases there were week in and week out. Self-inflicted gunshot wounds. Hangings. Overdoses. CO poisonings. Back then as well as now, suicides aren’t as common as natural deaths but certainly more so than homicides.
I think one reason I was surprised at the high number of suicides is that I never really had a point of reference for them before. Seems like there may have been some disturbed teenager back in high school many years ago that opted to check out early. For all I know it was simply a rumor and they left school because their dad was transferred to another city.
Another reason for my surprise is that, for the most part, suicides aren’t really considered to be newsworthy material, so there isn’t really a public concept of frequency like there is with the much more publicized homicides and accidents. If an elderly woman with an advanced stage of cancer shoots herself in her bed, the media isn’t lined up across the street outside. If a middle-aged man with a history of financial and legal issues hangs himself from a closet rod, the news stations aren’t running segments about it.
I suppose the various media outlets may consider it taboo to cover (and essentially profit from) suicides. Perhaps they consider a suicide to be a private family matter, unless of course the suicide is a public spectacle as in the case of a jumper. I’m reluctant to give the media a whole lot of credit for being compassionate in this area. Reason being, if the local affiliates don’t have any of the homicide or accident segments they like to run, they’ll show footage of a crash or shooting from three states away.
Ultimately I think I was most surprised because I’d learned there were so many people who were willing to choose suicide as a way out of their situation. I may not be an expert on the psychological aspects of suicide, but after years of working suicides I have to admit a degree of twisted respect for the incredible amount of self-discipline that suicide “victims” demonstrate when committing their final act. That is to say the acts that involve a chemically-uninhibited fatal decision. Passed out on the couch waiting for previously consumed pills to reach a toxic level doesn’t seem to have the same sense of “honor” as a suicide involving a trigger pull or a plummeting vehicle.
Maybe I hold these individuals is such “regard” as I do because I personally know I couldn’t do it. Not because I lack self-discipline or have just never been in that particular situation to find out (two rounds of Russian roulette at church camp when I was twelve doesn’t count). I just lack that particular strain of self-discipline, and I possess an overwhelming desire to remain among the living.